Chapter 3-1: Control - Loss Aversion

Chapter 3: Control

Entry 1: Loss Aversion

One of the most effective means of controlling someone is to find out what they value that they have and then frame their behaviors in such a way as to state that if they do this behavior then they’ll lose what they have.

So, if they were about to leave you then it might be a good time to start dropping the odd fact as to what they will lose by leaving. So, if you have control over the finances, or you own the property, you’ve been paying for their drugs, whatever the things that they need or depend on - you make them aware of the impending loss should they go.

If they see a big consequence to them leaving then it will make them reconsider doing so.

There are two loss types you can use

  1. Loss of something that they already have. This one is difficult because people start taking for granted what they have so it will take something pretty significant for it to really register the loss in such a way that it will make them stay, so use this only when effective.
  2. Loss of potential - this one is really powerful because it taps into their desire for something that they don’t already have and may desperately want. If you frame it in such a way as they will lose this dream of theirs or lose this potential at something that they really wanted to achieve or attain then this mechanism is extremely useful at getting them to backdown and continue to try in the relationship.

So position yourself as valuable to their future in some way so that way they continue to imagine you as vital to their future in some way. This will feed them hope and the strength to continue to put up with the abuses that you’re levying onto them.

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